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Are you crazy? November 13, 2008

Posted by leukemicnut in rants.
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Everyone’s entitled to be a little crazy. Well some can pull off being totally weird but still would not make other people uncomfortable. I just find it difficult to respond to other people’s crazy episodes. Or just weird episodes. We all go through stuff in life, thus I will try to understand, even if it makes me feel really really really awkward being around that person. I will not try to be weirded out even if every cell in my body tells me to run and try to be invisible.

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Happy November 9, 2008

Posted by leukemicnut in Life.
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6 comments

For the past month or so, I was content with being happy enough. Things were not great but things were not awful either. Things were just okay. And I had no complaints but at the back of my mind, I was looking for something more.

Before going to bed last night, Shine asked me if I was planning to go to church today, I said:

“Pag tinawag ako ng Diyos.” And laughed.

Truth is, I haven’t gone to church for more than a month. Never saw a need for it then because I was being a own rebellious self. Had few cigarettes to many, drunk a bit too much, cursed more than the usual. The usual “I do not care” stance that I only live out in my head but had been able to turn into reality.

Things started to change the moment school began. Got a 3 in a subject I worked hard for. Then came Thursday night, I was so excited to swim but ended up having cramps and realized how unfit I was. Thus no more smoking. I do not even smoke that much but I know its effects on my health, so dropping it.

Then came today.  I woke up, and knew I just had to go to church. Try it out once again and maybe learn something. I always learned something it’s just that I cannot apply most of it. Or do not try to apply most of it. I came 10 minutes late into the service, but I am glad I did go. I really needed to hear what was said.

I had been foolish and stupid for turning my back and not doing what I knew I should do. But God does not reject the plea of those who ask for His help. I always knew I needed Him, I just could not come to terms with the idea that I still am capable of repeating the same mistakes, no matter how many times I experience the disaster that results.

So now, I try again. For the nth time. I cannot even assure myself that I will be consistent. But I will try.

I am indeed sorry.