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Are you crazy? November 13, 2008

Posted by leukemicnut in rants.

Everyone’s entitled to be a little crazy. Well some can pull off being totally weird but still would not make other people uncomfortable. I just find it difficult to respond to other people’s crazy episodes. Or just weird episodes. We all go through stuff in life, thus I will try to understand, even if it makes me feel really really really awkward being around that person. I will not try to be weirded out even if every cell in my body tells me to run and try to be invisible.


Happy November 9, 2008

Posted by leukemicnut in Life.
Tags: ,

For the past month or so, I was content with being happy enough. Things were not great but things were not awful either. Things were just okay. And I had no complaints but at the back of my mind, I was looking for something more.

Before going to bed last night, Shine asked me if I was planning to go to church today, I said:

“Pag tinawag ako ng Diyos.” And laughed.

Truth is, I haven’t gone to church for more than a month. Never saw a need for it then because I was being a own rebellious self. Had few cigarettes to many, drunk a bit too much, cursed more than the usual. The usual “I do not care” stance that I only live out in my head but had been able to turn into reality.

Things started to change the moment school began. Got a 3 in a subject I worked hard for. Then came Thursday night, I was so excited to swim but ended up having cramps and realized how unfit I was. Thus no more smoking. I do not even smoke that much but I know its effects on my health, so dropping it.

Then came today.  I woke up, and knew I just had to go to church. Try it out once again and maybe learn something. I always learned something it’s just that I cannot apply most of it. Or do not try to apply most of it. I came 10 minutes late into the service, but I am glad I did go. I really needed to hear what was said.

I had been foolish and stupid for turning my back and not doing what I knew I should do. But God does not reject the plea of those who ask for His help. I always knew I needed Him, I just could not come to terms with the idea that I still am capable of repeating the same mistakes, no matter how many times I experience the disaster that results.

So now, I try again. For the nth time. I cannot even assure myself that I will be consistent. But I will try.

I am indeed sorry.