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Mantra May 29, 2007

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.
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I will refuse to complain about things I have no control over.
I will view things as positively as I can. 
Good faith. Good faith.  People deserve that. 
I will not take crap from anyone. 
Have some spine. 
Do things for the right reasons.


Bored. Or just sick of it? May 29, 2007

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.
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Two years into law school. I have made up my mind that this is what I like. My work is related to law. I have friends here. I have decent grades (not high, not low) but my interest wanes like my interest for every othet thing around me.  I know I have the attention span of a preschool kid.  It takes a lot of effort for me to stay interested in something for a long time.  I start things with gusto.  I really do.  Everything is wonderful.  But after a few months, the thing that used to be interesting, bores me.  It happens to me especially when it comes to work. Duh. I've just had 2 jobs – tutoring and this Graduate Assistant post.  Tutoring, I got constructively dismissed but I got bored before that.  This current job, I loved it. Still like it, but not like before…

What bothers me is that this work gives me a picture of what working as a lawyer will be. Especially at the beginning.  Research, digests and maybe court practice.  Do I want that? Ohh. I want to like that. But truth be told, I am not excited by it. It scares the living daylight out of me.  Because what if I end up getting bored, then that's four years of wasted time studying something I will not enjoy in the long run.  Maybe I have a limited view of the legal profession. That's what I'm hoping for. Because if this is it, this picture I see right now, I'm doomed. 

The starting line says that i have made up my mind that I have made up my mind about this.  I have.  But I guess this is one hurdle I have to face. Knowing me, boredom will always come, always. I just have to fight it out. Fight it and make it interesting.  Thus, I'm bloggin while at work.  Makes it fun.

Argh May 26, 2007

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.
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I hate it when I feel like I am not doing enough with my life.  Too much time spent doing nothing.  All my plans are just ideas that I can't put to work.  Hay.

My wacky family May 26, 2007

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.

Rianne, a friend of mine, once told me that her Mom has told her that she was noisy, or rather, she talks really loud.  She did not know any other volume for conversing because she said, as a group, our barkada tended to talk like we were shouting at each other.  We all want to be the center of attention in the jeepney we were riding on, despite our topic being sensitive ones.  Imagine riding a jeepney with a group of young people talking about bestiality and homosexuality in a volume everyone in the jeepney can hear, loud and clear.  How about eating your isaw beside a group of 8 people who are loudly discussing the proper way of using a vibrator.  Since one of us didn’t know how to use it (how ignorant!), we had to explain how to use it, which does not entail merely putting it on top of the vajayjay and leaving it there.  If that was my friend’s mental picture of having sex, boring.  Since we hand around each other for long periods of time, when we separate, we retain the volume of our conversations.  Her family is distracted by it.  My family, they drown me out.   We can have a total of 5 conversations going on simultaneously, with the AM radio and MTV in the background.  My aunt could be giving out several commands to her four children, while I am having a conversation with one and the other shouting at the top of her voice because the channel was switched from her favorite teen series that suck to high heavens.  Aunt Gudy even tends to forget whom she’s giving her command to.  I’ve heard her so many times addressing her youngest son to do something, but she couldn’t mention his name.  She had to call out the names of the three older siblings before she got it right.  This happens to each of the four of them.  There isn’t a day where one of us would fart in front of the others. 


Eating is also a feast.  Since there’s seven of us, my four cousins, my sister and I and my Aunt Gudy, everything is partitioned, the viand mostly.  Rice is unlimited.  But the fun part is in the cooking because of the system in place as to who cooks the food.  It’s a cycle between by four cousins, when I’m there I try to help.  But try is the operative term.  It’s mostly them.  Food is tasted by the cook, this is to make sure that it tastes right, but sometimes, it irks my Aunt because of the large quantities of food that ends up being eaten.  I’ve had my share of pinching some chicken skin when no one is looking, so does my cousins.  By the time food is served, chickens no longer look appetizing, but they have incomplete skin because of pinching or no skin at all.  Bangus skin is another favorite target; you just know that skin won’t escape the pinching fingers of my cousins and me and even my sister. 


We also have our own expiry dates for food bought. New groceries have a shelf life of about 5 days, maximum.  Ketchup, 4 days. Powder juice drink, 2 days. A loaf of bread, 6 hours. Chocolate, 1 hour unless partitioned and strict commands are given to make it last longer that 2 days.  Coke, 1 hour.  Bad food, until it stinks and someone takes the initiative of throwing it.  Imaging how one of us feels when one leaves at lunch to go somewhere and my Aunt brings home a loaf of bread.  Upon arrival at night, all you can see is the plastic that once contained a loaf of bread.  You can complain all you want, but as if one can open up all their stomachs and get a hold of one’s fair share of the loaf. 


Just recently, there’s a new addition to this family.  Her name is Poody.  And she’s a cat.  Left by her mom, my sister brought her to my cousins’ place where she is now the center of everyone’s attention.  We all take turns in making her sleep in our laps.  She even uses the bathroom to answer the call of nature.  If only she’s big enough to use the bowl, for now, she’s settled for the bathroom floor.  She even sleeps in the bed of my youngest cousin or Aunt Gudy’s.  She has not grown for the past two weeks and her fur stand on its roots.  My Aunt would laugh when one of us caresses this new baby to make her sleep, but I know she has found a new baby as well. Imagine her scouring the entire house early one morning looking for the kitten for fear that the family dog, Sektor, has eaten her.  She found her, sleeping soundly in the hamper.  She’s up for more adventures with that family that adopted her.

Marriage-phobic May 26, 2007

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.
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How does one know that one is ready to get married? Is it a long process of self-evaluation? A gut feel? An emotion that’s hard to explain? Getting married is one of the things I cannot imagine myself going through in the next few years. Something in my gut tells me a marriage with me is doomed, I know it.  There will be more times spent alone and not together.  There will be separate beds because I can’t sleep with someone moving in the other side of the bed, ruining my comfortable position in the other side.  There may be romantic sides to it but give me a few months and there’ll be nothing of that romantic feeling.  It’ll just be cheesiness. Eew. But that’s me, some people may be more willing that I am.  More ready that I am.  That’s what happened yesterday.  Two of my friends got married.   First wedding that I went as an adult, and it’s between two friends.  Before the wedding started, I felt everything was surreal.  Looking at Chris made me see how matured he’d become. It also scared the hell out of me if I was in his shoes.  I would have ran out of the church. How did he know it was time to get married? That Ina was the one for him, forever? I would have asked him that but of course, it was the day of the wedding, and he has no time for such a commitment-phobic slur from me. 


            Waiting for Ina to walk down the aisle was a mixed feeling of nervousness and happiness.  They had to close the church door to add dramatic effect because by the time they opened the door, she was there at the entrance, dressed in white, with the sunlight behind her.  My seatmate for a sem and half and close friend, dressed in a white gown with a bouquet in her hands. I felt so happy I wanted to cry, I almost did especially when she was walking the aisle as she was crying and smiling at the same time.  I don’t why she was crying, maybe because this walk meant she was making the final steps to finishing a decision that she has made. Be with someone, forever.  Forever.  No one goes through marriage with that not in mind.  I hope. I don’t know what was going through her head, but there was no hint of fear in her face.  More like excitement and contemplation of things to come. 


            Seeing them both get married made me realized that things like deciding to get married is not just really emotion-based.  It’s more rational that emotional.  One decision I won’t be making yet in the near future.  To Ina and Chris, I wish them all the best.  To forever!