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BUMMING! October 20, 2005

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.
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It has been a week since the sembreak started and I’m really getting bored! I’ve been doing the same things for the past few days: eating, watching tv, sleeping, surfing the net and reading. I’m stuck at home! I want to go out but I’m really trying to save money just in case I need it for enrolment. I’m still in faith that I’ll have enough money to pay for my tuition fee. At the back of my mind, I know I have to eventually work full-time and be able to support myself through law school. But I don’t want to. I’m scared of leaving my comfort zone. I have found new friends in my block and I really love my block, plus I have this weird feeling that night class people are old, or rather I’m too immature to be with people who are married and have kids and all. I can’t even relate to my titos who are my relatives because they’re sort of too old, how can I expect myself relate to night class people? I’m just being paranoid. But really, I can’t leave my block, that’s one of the toughest thing I’ll ever do if I decide to do it. I don’t even want to think about it because it upsets me.

Two days ago, I went and spent the morning with Chris, on the way to the MRT, a kid hopped on to the jeep and started to wipe the shoes of the people in the jeep. The usual scenario in which he would ask for money right after happened. I didn’t give any. But it made me think, what am I doing to help my country? I know the usual answer would be that I’m studying and doing my best but for me that’s sort of a scapegoat. I usually use that but I hope there’e something that I can do, something concrete. Like do volunteer work of some sort. Everyday I face the reality that my country is going down the drain, but I don’t want to lose hope. I’m amazed at people like Chris who have the courage to take up leadership positions. They do something for the University, I’m not saying I’m going to run for office, but it’s just that they really have a concrete contribution by doing what they’re doing. I want to have a ooncrete contribution too.

I am just reminded of the situation of the current West Point Graduates. They came to that place before 9/11 and now, they’re leaving it with a war awaiting them. That’s scary yet one of them said he’s actually excited. I’m am amazed at their courage. Reading through the article, I saw a lot of similarities with law school and West Point. The students said that they hated some teachers because they were being too tough on them, but they knew that it was from them that they learned a lot and not from the those who they were buddies with. It just made me realize that I did learn a lot from my profs who were being tough with us. But that also means I tend to hate, rather, dislike them.haha But are they preparing us for some sort of war? War against what or who? I guess each graduate gets to answer that before they enter the real world. I guess being the best lawyer that I can be is one contribution that I can make. I hope.

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First sem is over! October 14, 2005

Posted by leukemicnut in Uncategorized.
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I’m officially done with my first sem in law school. After all the hard work and all the cases read, I can now rest. I hope I get to recharge over the break. This sem has taken soo much from me, mentally, emotionally, even physically and also spiritually. I felt like my limits were being stretched and that now, I’m totally not the person I was before law school.

Yesterday was the end of a two-week saga of nonstop library action. I never studied that much in my entire life, and it seems to not have paid off. That’s because I came out from all my exams feeling like a stupid person, or rather a clueless person because what I studied was not enough. Yesterday was also the end of Bhong’s sort of problem. Good thing that was over and done with. I really wanted to know the reason, but I’m happy that I don’t know. Mystery is always better. I just really hope everything will be better. Also last night made me think that a blockmate of mine has issues with me. haha That’s funny because it could be that it is not that way. Jeff told me to not cross the line. What line? I told him I really don’t know what line he was talking about, I have a hunch and I’m 80 percent sure I’m right, but my break will be better if I just assume that I’m just being paranoid. The last thing I need next sem is a conflict with him. Because if my hunch is right, that is inevitable. I’m sticking by my principles.

Moving on to better things and more fun things, I really want to have a massage. But the spa that I know costs 550 bucks. I’ll just save my money for other things.

I really am happy that this sem is over. I realized that law school has taught me so much not just inside the classroom but also with the experiences outside. I overcame my fear of being abandoned. It came to a point of almost ruining me and my relationships. Thank God, I got over that. Also it has taught me that my GRADES do not define me. I can never allow that to define me. Not because I’m cum laude, I’m good and great. Not because I’m in law school, I am to be respected. Identity comes from who I am, not what I do. Identity comes from something more permanent than titles and grades and positions. It taught me that my identity really comes from God. He defines me, without him I am NOBODY!

It has also taught me that I can’t control the decisons of people around me and that it’s okay for people to not do what I want. ahaha I really think I was a control freak. Now I’m sure I’m not.

It has also made me realize the importance of forgiveness, or not hating anyone because the hatred ends up controlling me.

It has also taught me that God is indeed the God of IMPOSSIBILITY. He can do anything. I just need to have faith.

This sem has been a molding process for me. God is molding me to become the man that he wants me to be. It is painful, but I just trust God to give me the strength. I know that after all these, I will be someone better for His glory.

It has also taught me that my life should not revolve around law, my friends, my family, but around HIM. God must be the center.

I am happy this sem is over, I am looking forward to resting and resting and resting even more.