Curiously searching

I have always been a fan of “me time”. Yes, time just being with myself. Just doing shopping on my own, or watching a movie, or sometimes just going to the UP Chapel and just sitting there and just being quiet. I realized I have been having less and less of this. I miss it. I need it. I want it. So from now on I will make an effort to have more of it.

While in a cab on my way home, I saw a girl check her phone while she was driving. I then realized that I do not miss driving, at all. I have been driving since I was 10 years old. My mom brought me along when she was being taught by my uncle to drive. I ended up learning way earlier and better than my mother.

She would make me drive from home to the town center. I would also drive to Dagupan but through alternate routes and not through the highway because we might end up being apprehended by policemen. Imagine a kid who could barely reach the accelerator and who is just tall enough to see above the wheel, driving with a middle-aged woman in the passenger seat. Include the frequent younger cousins and my sister who would be sitting at the back of the owner-type jeep that I drive.

I stopped driving when the owner type jeep became to burdensome to maintain around my sophomore year in high school. I started driving again when my tito and tita allowed Cheeze and I to bring a car around senior year of college. Since then  have been driving quite frequently. This sem, because of lack of common time, we have not been bringing a car to school.

So coming back to the girl who was driving, I actually felt sorry for her. Driving can be quite stressful. There were times that I really hated it and this usually includes my tito sitting in the passenger seat. He should have taken the wheel from where he was sitting.

I enjoy the occasional drive to Jollibee or wherever but I do enjoy commuting more and taking a cab. It is better to not think of hitting another car or of the pain my right foot feels when traffic is terrible. I can stay inside a bus without getting stressed even if traffic is horrible. I can also opt to just look outside and daydream (yes Maria, just like you, minus the iPod). This I cannot do when driving. I did that once involuntarily. I just suddenly spaced out while driving but it was the worst place to do that – running at 80kph, in NLEX, and sandwiched between two huge trucks. My tito just suddenly said, “O bakit bumagal ka?”. COLD SWEAT. I actually spaced out and did not realize my foot pressure on the acclerator was almost nill. I do space out quite often but since I have sort of mastered the road from UP to home, it does not bother me at all. But to do that in NLEX is another story.

So yes, I love not having to drive. I like driving sometimes, but in the near future, I think getting a car would entail me getting a driver too. I think I can be more productive doing something else while on a car, and not be driving.

Pastor Manny said that there are three things that we should look for in order to know that our dreams or hopes are from God.

1. it requires faith for it to happen.

2. it has an effect on the lives of other people

3. it ignites your heart with passion when you do it.

It dawned on me that the work that I want to do, and have so much apprehension about where to find, might be the job for me. It is a dream that I really want to happen.

Exciting days ahead.

I am tired but I just need to write something totally not related to climate change or the right to development.

This day was spent reading and writing and more writing, as well as drinking expensive coffee that I do not like. I am talking about Bo’s Coffee.But that’s not what this post is for.

This day started with a class that I love and enjoy sans the three consecutive absences. He makes me realize that lawyers are not really liars and crooks. And I want the kind of job that he does.

Then I spent the next hours just writing my SLR and preparing for my International Environmental Law presentation. After writing a few paragraphs for my SLR, I would rest and read about technology transfer and the Kyoto Protocol.

I was also able to attend my first small group meeting in around 2 or 3 years with two stage “ates” waiting for me and ask how it went. I needed that meeting. I hope I can keep it up.

My recent post was about how much I felt stressed about the many things that I have to do, and with so little time to do all of them. Thus, while taking a long break from writing my thesis, I found this in Joshua Harris’ blog. Just a great reminder of how I my perspective should be. I will just quote it verbatim:

A quote I’ve been encouraged by recently…

The main difficulty, therefore, is not in our work, but in ourselves; in the conflict with our own unbelief, in the form either of indolence or self-dependence. When faith is really brought into action, the extent and aggravation of the difficulty (even were it increased an hundred-fold) is a matter of little comparative moment. Difficulties heaped upon difficulties can never rise to the level of the promise of God. To meet the trembling apprehensions—”Who is sufficient for these things?” the answer is ready—”our sufficiency is of God.” There is a link in the chain of moral causes and effects, which connects the helplessness of the creature with the Omnipotence of God, and encourage the creature to attempt every thing in the conscious inability to do any thing: and this “in weakness” thoroughly felt, Divine “strength is made perfect”. It is equally important to feel our abasement, and to maintain it with a corresponding and proportionate exercise of faith. Let us lie low, but let us look high; let us realize our weakness and strength at the same moment; let there be a remembrance, as well as a present exercise of faith. —Charles Bridges, The Christian Ministry

Just having a few minutes of rest in between finishing a draft decision of the labor case and studying for my hearing tomorrow. I have not studied for any of my classes tomorrow and have not written a single thing for my thesis. I still have a hearing by Tuesday. I am in bad need of rest.

I remember that a few years back, I would be able to deal with busyness in a better way. No anxiety. I just did what I needed to do at that time. I realized that I have been anxious about how I will be able to do certain things given my limited time and my utter need for sleep – despite the fact that I have tons of things to do, I still allow myself 8 hours of sleep as often as I can (which is almost everyday).

Now, I am quite disturbed by the fact that I know it will be a challenge to do many things in the time that I have. It just dawned on me that rest does not mean having less things to do. It isn knowing and believing that God is in control and that I need not worry. My rest is in him. Without him, I will not be able to do these things. I am cheering myself on.