The year that was December 31, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life.Tags: God, new year
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So this is the last day of 2009. This has been quite an eventful year for me. I graduated from law school, took the bar, and found my first full-time job. To remind me of my thoughts and angst this year, I took some time to read my entries in my blog for the year. I just realized how things are different from what I planned, and how terribly sad and happy I am about not doing what I planned to do and yet findinh happiness in what I am currenly doing.
I started out Dreaming. Back then, I dreamt of doing development and environmental research. I still do. But it seems that this is not going to happen yet.
After graduating, I geared up for bar review. I think I did good during the review, the exams, I’d rather not write about it. I just hope and pray that I make it.
After bar review, I started looking for work. And now here I am doing litigation work. I started out dreaming and wanting to do developmental research work that would entail travelling and going out of the country. Now, I do litigation work that entails me staying here in the Philippines. I am doing a job that is quite limited to the Philippines. I thought that I would end up not enjoying this job but I really enjoy it. I love problem-solving tasks so that is the main factor why I enjoy this. This is the reason I may end up enjoying all the work that a lawyer does because it involves problem-solving. I have no complaints with my job. I thoroughly enjoy it but it brings me sadness that I have no opportunity to do anything related to development and environment.
This year, I have lost my lola. I have also gained new friends and lost touch with others. This year I have also moved in and out of different homes who have generously welcomed me with open arms.
So no matter where my career ends up with, I know I will end up in the right place. I know that I will always be where God wants me to be. I have my friends and family and I have a job that I enjoy albeit some other dream that I want to do.
This year has made me realize that despite our grand plans, there is a bigger and better plan that may be different from what we wanted. And that is the adventure that comes with following God. He has plans for you that you might not understand but you feel his presence and peace during those times where you don’t why you’re in the place where you are. For that I know I am blessed.
Next year shall be the same adventure and I am excited.
Decisions November 10, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in work.1 comment so far
There are a lot of things I have planned for myself. I am a dreamer, like most people. I love imagining what I will be doing in a few days, months, and years. My hands sweat when I dream of the endless adventures I will be doing and the many places I will be going to. I have different scenarios of my future and the work that I will be doing. I want to do corporate work, and at the same time I dream of being a judge. I dream of learning a martial arts, doing a triathlon, biking from Baguio to Sagada (thanks to Maria for this awesome idea) and going to London for 2012.
But that’s me in the dream world. Right now, some of those dreams might not become true. But am not sad at all. There was a blog entry of Mark Batterson where he said that we should follow God’s dreams for us, and not Him following our dreams. I am at a place where I may end up doing what I didn’t plan to do but didn’t admit to myself that I love doing. And this is possibly what God want me to do. Litigation.
So far, it is the only option I have. I have to admit I am excited because it might and could possibly be what God has planned for me. After all the interviews trying to convince law firms that I want to be a corporate lawyer, I get an offer from the firm that I said I would like to do litigation work. I realized that as I said that, despite some hesitation in the beginning, I was saying something true. I did want to do Litigation. I did enjoy doing it in OLA. Or it could be that I am so good at convincing people that I ended up convincing even myself.
I might be over-thinking this as well. I may be rushing into this too. I may be not. This is the reason I have until friday to decide. This a change of career goals, and a nice distraction from thinking of the bar exams.
Quote, unquote October 24, 2009
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When God uses you in a powerful way, you better get up even earlier to seek Him. When God blesses you, you better pray even more. And any measure of success God gives you better result in seeking Him even more.
Bold faith is all about getting painfully specific in what you are asking the Lord for.
All from Mark Batterson.
What matters most October 24, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life, work.1 comment so far
I have a dream, that one day I will be doing a multi-disciplinary research on a government project that will impact the lives of many people in a good way. I will be doing the legal and environmental research of the project and will ensure that the project will actually benefit them in the long run.
That’s a dream. But here I am, trying to figure out how to get there someday. Right now, the decisions I have been doing are based on a very simple mathematical formula: get the possible monthly salary, then multiply that with the number of months in a year. But I realized that this does not include the God factor. The fact that blessings will follow you, when you are in his will and that the numbers will not matter because his provision is more that sufficient.
So the question is, what is His will for me? Right now, I am not quite sure yet. But I do remember being prodded to try to get into government service. It is a riskier decision. At first, I thought trying out the prestigious and big firms was the risk, but then I realized that trying out the firms is actually the safe route. Because that’s a place where people tend to go after law school. Yes it may be a risk to try the big firms, but trying to get into government service, with its low pay and utterly uninspiring offices is a bigger risk. But this could just be me trying to be different.
But this is just from my point of view. My decision will also have to take into consideration the people around me.My decision will have a great impact on the lives of the people that matter to me.
I am yet again left in limbo. I have never been quite good at handling transition stages in my life. This is one of them. But I will just wait. The answer will soon come.
Surprise, things didn’t go according to plan October 16, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life.1 comment so far
Whenever I do certains tasks, I tend to be quite methodical about it. Like waking up a certain time, doing a certain thing first before another or doing a certain thing a certain and particular way. More specifically, when I planned to start applying for jobs, my plan was quite simple. Make my resume, then go to the firms, drop off the resume, go home, then wait for the interviews. Simple. But that didn’t happen that way.
My resume will not print itself, so I have to have it printed. However, for some strange reason, a friend’s printer won’t work, or the day before that he did not have paper. So postpone sending my awesome resume. I have to believe it is awesome, otherwise, no one will. So I had to have it printed at SC. Done. Off to Makati.
I also did not try run my shoes. No one does that or I never do that. After months of just sitting and reading, my formal shoes was left forsaken in its box but I never realized these things have an expiry period or abandonment issues of their own. I realized this just after an hour of walking. I looked at my shoe and it was smirking at me. Horror. I lift my right foot and lo and behold, it was not just a smirk, it was the most horrible looking grin a shoe could make. I just said to myself, and to my shoe, “Kaya pa yan!”. I was supposed to buy some super glue but didn’t pursue the thought because I hoped it would last until I got home. So the trip around Makati with friends still continued and finally it was done. I looked at my shoe and it was still grinning but not to the point of embarrassment. I can still hide its evil grin.
Just when I thought my shoe was going to last until I got home, I was proven wrong yet again. The moment I got off the train I realized that it was already making a slapping sound against the floor. I tried to ignore it but the more I walked the louder it got. When I finally checked, its mouth was wide open like a kid on a destist chair having his molars extracted. Gaah. I was a block away from home, but I just kept saying to myself that at least it happened after submitting all my resumes. I tried my hardest to walk with the useless shoe and by the time I got home, the shoe’s jaw was already dislocated, dislodged and was a total wreck.
After all that adventure, I really hope those resumes get me somewhere. As of now, I will massage my feet and find a way do somethine with that right shoe.
Where do I fit May 27, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life.2 comments
This article is really interesting. But it made me confused as to what I am. Haha. Well, it is because I love being alone, but I also enjoy being around people. But I have noticed I tend to be utterly unnerved whenI have less and less of me time. It makes me go crazy. I guess that answers the question. I guess.
Again, thanks to kottke.org for the link.
Pampanga trip April 16, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life, rants.3 comments
I just spent the entire day in Pampanga just to retrieve my license. Had to go through two LTO Offices, pretend to speak Kapampangan because some drivers assumed I spoke their language, and asked for directions from more people than the entire 24 years of my life before today. I think I asked almost every time I stopped at a new place just to make sure I was going the right way.
I had to go there since my license was confiscated at SCTEx. People said I should just make an affidavit of loss and declare that my license was lost. I could not swallow that lie. So I endured that trip hoping that I would not have to give any grease money. Yeah right. I ended up paying for the seminar fee twice, which was required because a seminar was required for first time offenders. The first one was a bogus payment which I belatedly realized when I was no longer required to attend the seminar but was automatically given a certificate of attendance and 10 raffle tickets of an LTO raffle, each worth 20 bucks. I was told at the Main Office that seminar fee was 2oo pesos so I just assumed that the clerk misappropriated the money. That’s her choice, I got my certificate. But when I returned to the main office of LTO to retrieve my license, I was again asked to pay a seminar fee, this time I was given a receipt for the fee. Then my suspicion was confirmed. The 200 bucks I first paid for the seminar was not for the seminar but was for the raffle tickets. The idea of not having to attend the seminar but just paying for the seminar fee was tempting. I asked the lady who gave me the tickets if the 200 was for the seminar fee and she said yes. But she then said that the raffle tickets are purchased voluntarily. I just ignored my confusion, took the certificate, left the LTO Branch and went straight to the Main Office.
I can pass the blame to the Main Office because they did not tell me that I have to pay for the seminar in the Main Office AFTER the seminar and not in the Branch BEFORE the seminar. Then I would not be duped into paying for that tickets and just endured the 2 hours or so of lecture on Following Traffic Rules.
But the fault is mine. I could have stood my ground and returned the tickets because that was when I realized that it was grease money. I realized the “misunderstanding” when she handed me the tickets and my name was already in the stubs for the raffle. The entire trip to the Main Office I just wanted to shoot myself for not being firm against corruption. I made that trip to Pampanga because I did not want to do anything illegal but I ended doing that.
Whattafool. Dumbfool.
The Beginning April 13, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life, rants.7 comments
Clean slate. The past four years is over, there is nothing I can do to change anything in the past. The next 5 months will just pass by like a fleeting moment and the best thing that I can do is to enjoy every moment of it. Honestly, I am scared to my wits thinking about it. I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS AGAIN. This exam. That fact scares me. I am scared that I will not make it. I am scared that I will not live up to the expectations of people. I am scared that I will be the only one who will not pass.
But I know better than to dwell on these things. I have the next 5 months to enjoy and learn the things I have missed the entire four years. I have time to revisit the cases and topics that I did enjoy reading. I have time to try to understand the very topics that I have skimmed through in the past.I love learning, and this is the perfect chance to do just that. At my own pace and with my own strategy.
I see this as a battle, not against the forces that be but against myself. The crazy, lazy, and stupid part of myself. It is a battle I can win if I train and prepare right.
First thing that I need to do is to lessen internet time. I may have to lessen my Facebook and Twitter. But this blog shall be my repository of what-nots. I will document this experience.
I will have to make peace with my God (Leonen, 2009). No substitute for that. It is the fact that no matter what happens he has great plans for me comforts my troubled heart.
I also will not make bar review my life. I refuse to have to give up time with my family and friends because of the review. This has worked for me during my entire stay in law school, I know it will work for the bar. Of course I know my priority, and that is to pass, but that does not mean I have to turn myself into someone I do not recognize.
Quoting, or misquoting Picar (2009), God please help me. Isang kabaliwan kung iisipin ko na kaya ko tong mag-isa.
Baguio trip and loads of adventure April 9, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Life, family.5 comments
For the past week, I have had the opportunity to do really fun and adventurous things. I did laser tag and played Rock Band. I also had the opportunity to go to Baguio and enjoy some Korean food, again, after already doing so during Ming’s birthday celebration. Then I was able to eat a sundae at 50s diner at Baguio. Just this day alone, it seems like I have been able to travel from one country and era to another. I was in Korea at one point and next thing I know, I was sitting at the bar in the US during the 1950s. Too bad the jukebox wasn’t working. That would have been great.
I just realized how much fun I have been able to have. This is because of the things that I did and the people that I did it with. I love my friends. They make life fun. I love spending time with my family too. They are loads of fun and they remind me of what’s truly important. Love Love Love.
P.S. I love strawberry taho. I want more. Ugh.
Impossibly cool unborn son April 2, 2009
Posted by leukemicnut in Factoids.add a comment
Not. Just a combination of two sites I found really intesting.
Rules for unborn son and The Impossible Cool.
I like the first one because even thouhg it is what I’d like to give to my son, well some of it, I can also use some of the advices there. The second one is just a collection of awesome pictures of people that are COOL. It is up tpo you to define that word.
